Your Self-Confident Baby (Magda Gerber's RIE Approach)

Note: In the excerpts on this page, I've highlighted some key parts in bold.

Page 181 of Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson

Your Toddler's Play

A surprising thing parents may discover is that children at play have marvelous concentration and follow-through when involved in situations that interest them. If we allow and encourage them to be competent explorers, they grow to be strong and agile, possessing good judgment.

If we allow them to move naturally and without restriction, children become confident of their bodies and its abilities, learning on their own about their strengths and limitations. ...

Through my many years of observing children, I've seen that children who are allowed to progress through various stages of physical development with little interference have fewer accidents. Since a child raised this way wouldn't be placed in a chair until he could climb up himself, he learns the safe and successful way to navigate the chair. … If you want your child to learn how to go up and down stairs, let him practice on one, then two or more at a time. He may choose to go down face first, bottom first, or on his belly. If you let him figure out how to do it on his own, he'll learn the easiest and safest way for him.

Selective intervention

Pages 181–182 of Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson

The key to dealing with an obstacle or problem your child encounters during his play is to observe, wait, and then decide what to do. It's a question of judgment. You need to be sensitive as to what can and cannot be resolved by your child.

You may wonder what to do if your child is scaling a climbing structure and gets stuck. Should you help him up or down? It depends. Give him support. Respond by first observing your child. Does he need you to help him down, or maybe just for you to give him the supportive bridge he needs to get where he wants to go? ...

Pages 143-144 of Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson

An Example of Selective Intervention

... One of the large wooden boxes has a child-size hole in it into which the children like to deposit toys, and climb into and out of. It appeared the child was stuck in the box, sticking out of it from the waist up. … As we looked at the child we noticed she had a ball in her hand, which was inside the box. The child, looking upset, repeated, “Mama.”

Her mother looked at her and said, “'You're trying to pull the ball out of the box and you can't fit the ball and your hand out of the hole.” The child smiled. Instead of lifting the child out of the box, the mother helped her ease the ball out. The child happily took the ball, pulled her legs out of the box, and got down.

I looked at the mother and said, “I liked the way you assessed the situation before you acted." I was happy to see how she waited, observed, and minimally intervened. Waiting allowed to the mother to better understand her child and to give her the appropriate assistance.

You can do the same in your home or at the park or playground, with your own child. Observe and wait. Be available and let your child struggle through her process for the answer.

"Sportscasting"

What is sportscasting?

From http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/06/the-baby-social-scene-5-hints-for-creating-safe-and-joyful-playgroups/:

“Sportscasting” is the term Magda Gerber used to describe the helpful, non-judgmental account adults are advised to give of their children’s play-by-play. “Ruby, you wanted that. Now George has it. Ruby took it back.” It is especially reassuring for a child to be acknowledged when he is upset — it seems to help him process the feelings and move on. “Sally brushed by you and it bothered you. I saw that. You’re upset.”

Examples of sportscasting and how sportscasting acknowledges and validates

This excerpt from http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/05/talking-to-toddlers-4-secrets-that-bring-you-closer/ includes a lot of nice examples of sportscasting in its discussion of acknowledging and validating.

Acknowledging an infant or toddler’s point-of-view can be magically calming, because it provides something he desperately needs – the feeling of being understood. A simple affirmation of our child’s struggles, “You are having a hard time getting those shoes on. You’re really working hard,” can give him the encouragement he needs to persevere through his frustration.

Be careful not to assume a child’s feeling, “You’re afraid of the dog”, or to invalidate the child’s response because we view it as overreaction, “It’s just a doggie. He won’t hurt you.” It is safest to state only what we know for certain, “You seem upset by the dog. Do you want me to pick you up?”

Acknowledging first can take the bite out of not getting one’s way. “You want to play longer outside, but now it’s time to come in. I know it’s hard to come in when you’re not ready.” And no matter how wrong or ridiculous our child’s point-of-view might seem to us, he needs the validation of our understanding.

Acknowledging our child’s desires means expressing truths we might rather ignore like, “You wanted to run across the street. I won’t let you.” Or, “You want to leave Grandma’s house, but it isn’t time yet. “

It’s always hardest to remember to acknowledge a child in the heat of a difficult moment, but if a child can hear anything during a temper tantrum, it reassures him to hear our recognition of his point-of-view. “You wanted an ice cream cone and I said, ‘No’. It’s upsetting not to get what you want.”

When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner.

Averting conflict through sportscasting

From pp. 116 - 117 of Respecting Babies: A New Look at Magda Gerber's RIE Approach by Ruth Anne Hammond

Ruth Anne is the teacher of a toddler-parent program.

Averting Conflict Through Sportscasting

Five toddlers are having a grand time playing in an empty plastic swimming pool with a built-in slide. The pool is about 4 feet in diameter, and I have put some balls of various sizes in the pool to add interest. The enthusiasm is rising; the game has evolved and defined itself. They are sliding down, wiggling at the bottom then climbing out and running back for a repeat. Twenty little arms and legs are being flung in every direction and squeals of excitement are bursting out of five happy mouths. It is looking dangerous now, like somebody is bound to get seriously bumped.

One script in my head is urging me to rush over to the group and say, “Hey, kids, settle down, now! Someone's going to get hurt!” However, I love that they are so excited and really mixing it up with each other. The parents and I have been looking forward to this kind of groupness since September (it is now May), and I do not want to squelch their glee. However, I do want them to be safe. Fortunately, I have a technique that usually works in this type of situation without repressing the play. In fact, it extends and enriches the play. So I move over by the pool and go into sportscasting mode.

I begin to describe the action. “Oh, Claire is climbing up behind Anton…Anton is standing at the top. Careful, Claire, he might fall if you push…Cameron and Dominic are [...] pretending to swim at the bottom…Here comes Anton! Whee! Watch your feet!… Dustin is tugging on the side of the pool. It's heavy, isn't it, with everyone inside it?”

So many program goals have been met in this rowdy scenario, and I have not once said, “No,” “You have to take turns,” or “You can't climb up the slide, you have to go around” or told them, “You're going to get hurt.” (In general, children will do what adults say, so if we tell them they are going to get hurt, they probably will.)

There are so many levels of richness going on in this collaboration. The toddlers are learning that they can have fun together and coordinate their actions and intentions. They have entered a whole new level of motor planning. My words are scaffolding their attention to one another so that their body-awareness expands to include their friends. In addition, they see that I approve and support this play. I am laughing with them, and they can see that I am all for joyful arousal! However, they sense that I am there to keep them safe, which provides a wonderful juxtaposition of pleasure and security in togetherness. To add some icing on this delicious cake, the toddlers are also getting a language and sequencing lesson through my sportscast. I had intervened, but I have not intruded. I have been included, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my morning.

Sportscasting is especially useful when there are toddlers who have a difficult time sharing space with other children and are prone to push or bite. It is good in any situation where there is a lot of toddler traffic, like at the sensory table. This technique is a great way of guiding interactions that is totally nonjudgmental and helps adults hone their observation skills. The adults are not presuming that they know the best course of action, but are leaving the door open to the children's creative solutions. The best part is, it is easy; you just say what you see, and usually the toddlers will do the rest.